It has been forever since I posted anything. Why??? Because I have been on this journey of toddler-ism… Lol … Boy oh boy, the person who said have children .. it will be fun… They weren’t half wrong but not 100% right either.

Anywho, I have missed posting my experience and my opinions regarding my self discovery and marriage and all the things. I plan to be more consistent since the Lord has blessed me with more time and He has ve a way to reminding me of the blog everyday lol (big ups to God).

Just wanted to make a quick announcement that I have not forgotten about ya’ll and I will start posting again real soon. Stay tuned

Love y’all

So something hit me like a lightening bolt yesterday and I just can’t keep it to myself. This whole year, I have been on a journey to discovering how to be a better, responsible, selfless version of myself and I think I have a been doing a great job at it because now my house is very peaceful and we are mostly good until we are not and then my husband and I get disconnected from each other but it’s not chaotic anymore (posts about that to come) but yesterday I finally got it; what my husband needs from me is friendship.

I am sure you have heard this and read and maybe even said it, “every marriage is different”. It is NOT cookie cutter NOR is it for the faint of heart. Unfortunately there isn’t a blog, a book, a magazine, a sermon on how to be married nor what kind of wife your husband needs (he will tell you want he wants but it doesn’t mean that is what he needs); unfortunately you will have to learn WHAT and HOW to do that with loads of prayer, time and patience. There will be blueprints on how to better response and how to change your outlook and perception of this new world you have entered into but there will never be a specific guide or manual about YOUR MARRIAGE; only God cane reveal that to you.

So yesterday, God revealed to me what my husband NEEDS from me. For years I have been doing a lot of stuff that I thought my husband needed from me ( which became VERY tiring; I felt like superwoman and wonder woman in one body) when all he needed from me was FRIENDSHIP. I have been so busy being busy, and trying to be the wife that he I THOUGHT he needed that somewhere along the way I stopped being his friend. The only friend that he can be 100% authentic and intimate with. My culture and society has put so much pressure on what it looks like to be a good wife (as much as I try to fight it, I find my self reverting back) that you don’t have time to be a good friend to the person you devoted and pledged your life to; and without realizing it, you also put pressure on him to be a perfect husband for you; which no man has a manuel (I can’t begin to imagine what that weight feels like on top of being a man that already has the weight of the world on his shoulders).

Well on this wonder Labour Day, I vow to be a friend, the most devoted, loyal and only intimate friend my husband needs, all the other titles will follow that.

Lord, I thank you for giving me this revelation. I have not paid attention on nurturing my friendship with the person I have chosen to devoted my life to and I ask for forgiveness for not stewarding that relationship properly. I pray that just as you’ve reveal this to me, I ask that you reveal to every married women that are where I have been; crying ,begging and pleading with you for guidance on how to do this marriage life. You are the one who created marriage therefore you are the only one with the blueprint on how to keep it. I thank you for Lord for a new measure of patience and grace be extended to me as I extend that we do the same for my husband on this journey to a beautiful, healthy and exemplary marriage for the world to see. In the beautiful and heavenly name of Jesus I pray. Amen

Hope you have a great week and will post soon.

Bye good soils.

Hello Rooties,

This past week has been amazing. Why??? Well because I realized that I never really submitted to my husband and finally decided to fully submit.

So on Sunday, I attended church in person and my pastor talked on EVERYTHING I was fasting about; got clarity and guidance from the message. After service, I rushed home to my husband and just asked for forgiveness because I realized that the reason for all the tug and pull in my house is because I was not submitted to him as my husband, as the man of the house and the head of the house. Now, I have stated this and will continue to state that, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SUBMISSION is, how to HONOSR AND to RESPECT a husband. I never seen it in my home but I was taught to serve. For some reason, in the Haitian community (that is the nationality i know), serving is respect and honor which is not entirely true. Just because I serve you doesn’t mean I honor or respect you and I am definitely not serving you with my heart. It’s just something that I do because I’ve been trained to do it; but to respect is something completely different. When I respect you, I WILL honor and SERVE you GLADLY. And in the Haitian community, that is not something that is really taught; well def not in my household with my mom and step mom.

But after last Sunday, my eyes (spiritually) has been opened. The scales of my culture has fallen off. I rushed home, postured myself and I apologized to my husband and decided to COMPLETELY submit to him, as my man, my husband, father of my child and future children and head of my household. Since that moment, there has been a shift in him and our relationship in every aspect of our lives and relationship. I have working really hard on submission and God has been really great.

Example: There was a day when I came home from work around midnight, went to bed around 1 or 2 am because or daughter kept waking because she was sick. Had to be up by 5 am for a 6 am interview. Then had to get her ready to drop her off at home care, went to another interview at 10:30 am, got home around 1 took a nap around 2. My husband came in the room and advised that I pick up our daughter and I was begging him to go pick her up because I was really sleepy. His response to me annoyed me because it felt like there was we were going back nd forth trying to outdo the persons tiredness. But then when he told me that he had not slept that night because he was worried about the baby chocking because she was sick and he walked out. So, I decided to get up, got ready and went to go pick her up. When I was in the car I called my husband, his tone seemed like he was ready for me to say something slick but instead I apologize to him and said I did not know you were up all night watching out daughter. His tone softened up and he proceeded to tell me, he has not slept the past 3 days. I was shocked, we talked about what was going on (I know for at least 2 of them day was my fault because I needed some sugar to get my day right) and then we laughed and joked about other stuff. In the past it would have been some resentment and attitude coming from me about all this and tit for tat situation but in that moment I decided to be submissive and pick up our daughter and call him to apologize for not understanding what was going on in his world that I missed.

Now, that may not seem like much but to me it was a lot because I lot of the time I do not pay attention to how my actions or my responses make him feel but at that moment I decided to pay attention and really hear what he is saying and what he needs. Because I know he has not slept thee past few days, tomorrow I will give him the morning off, the baby and i will go to church so he can stay in and sleep.

I know my journey to submission will not be an easy one because I was taught to serve and be COMPLETELY independent. To think independent, be independent, live independent but that does not work in a God led, functional and healthy marriage. In a marriage you need to be INTER-dependent (dependent on each other) not independent (self- governing). As of today, to me, submission looks like shedding the idea of independence.

What does submission look like to you?

Hey Rooties,

It has been quite an interesting past few weeks.

So last week I fasted for my marriage because it hasn’t been the best between my husband and I. I mean are haven’t argued or beefed. Nothing like that, It just have been a little tense between us because he is stressed out about work which in turns causes him to shut me out completely. But when I see him interact with our daughter, it hurts my feelings because he is choosing whom he wants to allow into his space.

Anyways, I am not here to discuss that, I am here to talk about a post I put up a few weeks back regarding not knowing how to honor or respect my husband biblically because I have never seen it done growing up. So I decided to go on a fast, for clarity and direction. In my time of fasting, there were a few things, the Holy Spirit reminded me about myself. One of them was how I have lost myself in my marriage. Meaning my relationship with God used to be top priority, I used cancel or sometime rush through my dates just so I can make sure to get home on time to spend time with God. But now my relationship with my husband has taken that place. WHY? well because I am always trying to understand how I always put my foot in my mouth and when I apologize I dig that sucker deeper down my throat. The more I tried to make him #1 in my life, the more tense and uncomfortable it would be in my house. Now my husband is an avoider, I on the other hand like to tackle things head on. If something is wrong he will NEVER tell me what’s wrong. I have to sit with God and let him tell me where I messed. Once that has been revealed to me, I quickly and swiftly go to apologize. At this point, he doesn’t even really care for apologies because I do it so much. But what he doesn’t understand is living in a single parent household, the dysfunctions you learn are so deeply imbedded into you, they have become part of your cells.

Any who, I digress, during my fast I kept listening to the his message by Dr. Myles Monroe regarding singleness in marriage ( I have attached the video below as reference). He explained that the Pharisees came to Jesus and asked Him , His thoughts I’m about divorce. Jesus’s response to the question was about singleness. Dr. Myles Monroe explained that when there are irreconcilable differences, divorce should NOT be the option or even a thought, but instead look into the 2 people INDIVIDUALLY because somewhere along the years, these individuals become something else out the covering of His blood. Essentially , those individuals starting depending on their intellectuals and such to help them in their marriages.. The best way he explained it was, when God created man he created male and female. The male was completely independent from the female, he was a WHOLE man, when God formed the female she was a WHOLE female. They did not complete each other; they understood that their main source of life came for God and they honored that UNTIL, Eve disobeyed and became arrogant and Adam following suite.

Society has us believing that it is the most beautiful thing to complete somebody. NO. IT. IS. NOT, that thought is COMPLETELY dysfunctional. How dare you think you can complete somebody, Not even twin, who came from the same womb complete each other. So why on earth would you think, God who created you AS and individual created you to complete somebody. That is WWWWAAAAYYYYYY too much of a burden. Its a crazy idea Hallmark and Disney has sold us and we took the bait. When we are in a relationship, and there is a conflict the 1st thought or at least many of the thoughts that come to mind is to leave; don’t get me wrong, there are valid reasons to leave. But reason like not washing the dishes or putting the trash out or avoidance isn’t reason enough to destroy a WHOLE family unit.

So, as of lasts Sunday, I took a vow to RE-discover my singleness. That does not mean I am leaving my husband, (we said till death do us part, therefore one of us has to die before I willing walk away) It just means I am going to take time for me and rediscover who I am through Christ , with His blood covering me; because I can say FOR SURE, I do not remember who that person is. I want to get back to that person because that was that was who my husband fell in love with; not this person I have become.

So join me on the Journey to self discovery of my singleness.

Hey rooties,

How are y’all doing???

I know, it’s been a very long time since I’ve shared or written anything.. I am working on a schedule that would allow be to be consistent in sharing my thoughts and lessons learned on a weekly basis.

So, let’s get to the nitty gritty of why we are here. Self care, it’s the process of taking care of ones self. Whether it be mental, spiritual, or physical. It is VERY important to take care of yourself. My old mentor use to say, you can’t give the best of who you are from a dry well; self care gives you that replenishment you need to be the best of you.. sometimes it just 1 hr of self care allows you to give beyond the limit because you have been rejuvenates.

The reason for this topic is because, as some of you know, I am married and have a 10 month old baby, and a full time employee that sometimes (most times) work over hours. So believe me I NEED the break. Now hear me out I LOVE my life and all the blessings in it BUT sometimes I need to take a break and have some me time AWAY from family, friends and work. And that was EXACTLY what God gave me.

I took a vacation that was suppose to be with my cousin but unfortunately she got food poisoning and had to stay back. I spoke to my husband and he had no problems with me going by myself. I jumped on a plane and went on a vacation by myself to Cancun, Mexico.

Let me tell you something, it was THE MOST AMAZING time of my life. Not because I did anything extravagant but because I made sure to take full advantage of what God wanted for me to enjoy and learn. On my vacation, I spent time with God, learned and was reminded of so many things about me that I forgot. My self care trip of 4 days gave me back ME.

As life goes on we tend to forget about ourselves because we always have to live in this life and sometimes it feels like we are living for responsibilities because you are wearing so many different hats and all of them are part of your daily realities and requires your attention that you can forget about YOU; not the parent, the employee/business owner, the spouse or even the daughter/son but YOU, the one that God created and knows you by name.

It is VERY important to take sometime for yourself. Now hear me, it doesn’t have to be a 4 days vacation but it can be 1 or 2 hrs of YOU time.

I left hat and responsibilities of being a wife, mother, employee and came back as the prayer warriors, the self starter, ambitious wife, mother, business owner and productive employee. My husband doesn’t know this yet but he about to learn the renewed me today.

Well, that is all I have for you this week. So please please pretty please make some time ( please read my words correctly… I not saying FIND time but MAKE time; there is a difference in the verbs used)for your own self care. I want to hear all about it once you’ve done it.

Hello rooties, it has been a long time since I posted anything. I thought life before a child was busy well now its hectic.

Any who, we are not here to talk about my wonderful princess. I am here to talk about relationship pertaining to marriage. So I recently came to this realization, now I know it may sound crazy but hear me out. If you’ve been married for longer then 2 years, at some point you will feel like your marriage is kinda just there. Certain things ya’ll use to do is either no longer exciting or you just don’t do anymore. This may have to do with the 2 year boredom or COVID shutting down the world and people getting comfortable with not doing anything or putting forth effort. For example, before the world shut down my hatband and I would go to different restaurants once a month, go to this jazz lounge every Wednesday night, go to the movies every Tuesday night, visit festivals and travel. But since COVID, we have not gone out on a date and now that we have the little one, its a whole hoopla for us to go out since our families do not live close to us, they can not watch Tour little Tweetie. So in order for us to have a date, we have to take a day off together and go out during the day when she with the baby sitter (which we have yet to plan ).

Stuff like this can kill the excitement you once had when you 1st married. If you feel like the spark or excitement in the marriage is dying reignite it. How??? By following the steps below.

1. Re-read letters, cards or notes your significant other gave you. This will put you back in the mood of being excited and giddy about your person. It will remind you of how you felt when you first heard the voice note or read those letters, cards or whatever. I tend to read my husband wedding vows and EVERY single card he gave me. Now granted, he doesn’t really write much in the cards, but because I know him, I know that what he has signed his name to is exactly how he feels about me.
2. Sit down, pray, think and recognize the person your significant other is and plan to do something sweet and small every week or every day that they would appreciate (it all depends on you). So one day, I woke up and prayed on how I can help my husband start his day off with a smile or at least smile at some point in the day. The Lord put it on my heart to leave him notes of why I love him everyday for one month AND that is what it did. EVEN when I was mad at him, still left him the little notes. and you know what his attitude changed in the morning for a good 3 months… I think I will do that again but this time i might be a bit naughty and make him blush (wink wink).
3. Plan and for a date. Now I know because of COVID some people may not want to be out surrounded by a bunch of people. So plan something cute and romantic at home. Order food from your significant others favorite spot or try ordering from a new spot all together. Weather its dinner or brunch or just a night of dancing under the stars in you backyard or the balcony. Just plan SOMETHING and make it memorable.
4. This part is for married folks, be sure to have the date end up in the bedroom or wherever your passion and body leads you to cap off the night.

Feel free to add more steps or ideas but its very important that you do step 2. Now go forth and reignite the passion excitement of the bride/bridegroom of your youth.

Hello Guys,

It has been such a long time since I’ve shared anything. Life has been very busy and very different for me. As of this year, on November 5th, 2021 we welcomed our baby girl. Being pregnant with her was for the past 9-10 months was emotionally hard for me; its like the enemy was attacking me mentally, emotionally, at my job, in my marriage. It was just a very emotional journey, BUT I would have not changed it for the world; because during those moments, ALOT was revealed to me regarding my upbringing and how they affect me and my marriage today.

And that is what these next few post will be about, my journey of self discovery regarding my upbringing, my parents upbringing and how it has been passed down to me weather good or bad, and my own personal trauma. This is about breaking generational curses and healing from my own stuff. While on this journey, I met with my cousin (lets call her Tee) who is also going through the same discovery as me. She was also at a place of self discovery as she experienced something traumatic for her and how her reaction was influenced by her mother which it turns was influenced by how she was brought up and her experiences. about our parents upbringing and how their decisions have affected our lives today.

Now, I am sure you are wondering “What does this have to do with me? My marriage? where is the wisdom in these topics?” Well, I am here to you it has a lot to do with it. In past post, i have mentioned that understanding your partners past and the way they grew up helps you understand them and their habits. Well, now the tables has been reversed; its time we take self inventory about ourselves. WHY?? you might asked. Well because we need to asses how we present ourselves to others in the way we speak, why we speak that way, the way we think and why we think that way. My Bishop always says “The way we are today is a sum total of the seeds people have planted into us.” ALOT of it has to do with our upbringing; the words our parents have spoken over us or to us, our friends, our colleagues.

Lets jump into it

Hello guys,

Welcome back to marriage seeds where we believe that the seeds of knowledge you receive will help you grow into the you, you were design by God to be as an individual and in your marriage.

I hope you had a week of growth because I sure did. Lets get right to it.

So this week I learned that your spouse history shapes who they are today. I had an idea of how important it is but this week a new picture was painted in my mind. My bishop says this all the time ” The person you are today is an accumulation of seeds sown throughout your life.” Husbands the reason your wife may be mean or evil is because that was what she saw and experienced in her household growing up. If she is guarded it is because someone her hurt and she learned to build up a wall to protect the little girl inside. Wives, the reason your husband may not be expressing himself the way you want him to is because this is what he saw in his household growing up.

It is important to ask questions, listen for the response and understand why your spouse is the way they are. I was listening to an old message by TD Jakes and he talked about how every man is a king with little boy inside and every little boy is a king inside and depending who is around him in the influences he has in his teenage years it will imprint on him as a man. Knowing your spouses history (the way they grew up, the dynamic of the household they grew up in) helps you understand them and when you understand you can take steps to rewire your spouse (which will take A LOT of time) and when you take those steps to help bring a change, your relationship will grow.

For example: for me growing, my mother affirmed my beauty, intelligence and my value every day. I grew up with hearing words of affirmation daily, why because she grew up with hearing words of affirmation from her god-mother. Now as adult, I do the exact same with anyone, with friends, strangers at the grocery store, the waitress serving me at a restaurant, anyone that comes around me. In contrast, my wonderful husband is not like that. He was not raised in a household that got words of affirmation every day, he got it just not everyday. So as an adult male, he doesn’t do it, why because he did not see his parents do it in front of him. They probably spoke love in private but as a little boy he needed to see that so he can know that it is healthy to speak word of affirmation. As a man, he does not know how to do it, I have to pull it out when I want word of affirmation. (Worst thing about it, when we were dating, words of affirmation would make him uncomfortable and he would cringe a little lol). I know he loves and adores me but I will not hear it voluntarily because it is not a language he learned to speak. Since I know his history in this area, I understood why he was the way he was. Now I am taking steps by giving him words of affirmation everyday and and tell him how valuable he is. I see changes because he no longer cringes when I affirm my love and his value (lol).

So remember , it is very important that you listen and know your spouse’s past in their household growing up. Understand the dynamic of their household growing up and take steps to rewire for change it so your relationship can continue to grow. It is VERY important to know, when you are taking these steps NO NEED TO them, you do it quietly and with prayer.

Alright you guys, hope you have a great week of learning and growing.

Sincerly, RL