Scripture: “Let us not grow weary or become discouraged in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap, if we do not give in”- Galatians 6:9
Quote: “Passion often looks like sacrifice for those who aren’t in love”- Kris Vallotton
Definition: “Weary- exhausted in strength, endurance, vigor, or freshness; having one’s patience, tolerance, or pleasure exhausted” -Merriam- Webster.com
Have you ever gotten to a point where you were tired of doing good; you just grew weary and exhausted. Like everything about life and your daily task/responsibilities just started becoming to much. It’s never ending; you have to do you daily devotions, read your bible, go to the gym, take care of your family, go to work, go to school, clean the house, cook, do laundry, fold clothes, serve at church, be a mentor, be a mentee, be a present for your parents and be present for your friends- you have to wear a lot of hats. It all starts to weigh on you; you feel like you are always on go and at some point you just want it all to stop. Then you start thinking when can I get a break from doing all these things. When can I just be…. me and breathe without worrying about the next thing I must do or the next place I must be or the next thing I must complete or turn in (don’t get me wrong, you might just need a vacation but there are times life’s responsibilities start to get overwhelming). Now all those feeling and emotions are valid but with said emotion comes the silent sin that enters in; first pride, then judgement, then selfishness.
In moments like that, what do you do? Pray ok… After that then what? I can tell you from experience…(I literally mean my experience from the last few weeks) that all those things aren’t enough. I cried out to God for understanding and clarity, then I got tired, so I tried to avoid the whole thing by drowning myself in African movies or the gym to distract me but at the end of the day I still felt weighed down, tired and just wanted to run away to a remote island (and maybe never return lol).
Moment of transparency: these past two months, I have been feeling weighed down and tired of doing everything and being everywhere. I felt like I don’t have time for anything else…. Life wasn’t just lifing it was kicking my butt and wearing me out. I didn’t know what to do so I cried for almost 2 weeks. But then I started to separate myself from responsibilities (my house started looking a mess, my child started looking pretty crazy -because I hadn’t down her hair in 3 weeks). Then I got sick, finally I thought I can rest NOPE!!! My daughter got sick and only wanted mommy, then 2 days later…. you guessed it… hubby got sick too. Now I am back to feeling overwhelmed and tired because mommy has to take care of us. Finally, I went back to God and got really honest, like “Lord I do not what is going on inside of me but I do not want to do anything at all, and if I am honest, I don’t even want to speak to you but I do not know of anything else to do.” God then placed two women in my life that I never would have otherwise express my emotions to, they prayed with me and for me. I decided to take a break from ministry for a bit and then started a calendar to help keep me on track with daily tasks but then that started becoming to much for me.
I was listened to a sermon by Kris Vallotton from maybe 10 yrs ago and he said this “passion often looks like sacrifice for for who are in love.” This morning the Holy Spirit reminded me of that and it occurred to me at some point in my walk with Christ, I stopped loving and was just doing. I no longer found nor had the passion for the things of God. I would say I do but I honestly didn’t anymore. I started to question, where did my passion go? What happened to it? I realized, I allowed all my responsibilities and all the weight of everything to lay on my back and my shoulders. I no longer craved, desired or lusted to be with Christ; I was no longer doing the walk with Christ, I was now walking alone because of the mentally “Its ok, I got” . The Holy spirit showed me that once I allowed pride to creep in, I was no longer going to Jesus for strength. Then I started looking at other people with judgement in my heart instead of trying to see how I can serve them.
How did I deal with this? well ,I repented. I didn’t ask God to take the feeling away, rather I asked Him to reveal to me what is going on, show me the root of this emotion because I noticed that these emotions were actually causing me to separate from the body of Christ; God did not call us to separate from the body but to join in community.
As Christians we somehow believed the lie “if I do the right things or good things, then good things will happen to me or around me.” That theology isn’t wrong but it also isn’t truth and that is what causes us to believe the lie. The Lord was not present when you were doing good because He wasn’t invited in your time of “well doing” at work, home, school, ministry, parenting, or caregiving. Anything done outside of Christ is done in vain and on your own strength. It is important to know Christ is the center of everything, anything done outside of Him is just vanity and will give room for sin to creep in.
So my lesson of the day, week, month and years is check you heart posture daily for pride because it will creep in like a silent sin and not realize what is going on. Understand this, pride brings about judgment which then carries with it selfishness. Be careful to guard your heart and check you spirit whilst you are “doing good, for at the proper time we will reap, if we do not give in.” Gal 6:9
In Eden 