Hello Rooties,
This past week has been amazing. Why??? Well because I realized that I never really submitted to my husband and finally decided to fully submit.
So on Sunday, I attended church in person and my pastor talked on EVERYTHING I was fasting about; got clarity and guidance from the message. After service, I rushed home to my husband and just asked for forgiveness because I realized that the reason for all the tug and pull in my house is because I was not submitted to him as my husband, as the man of the house and the head of the house. Now, I have stated this and will continue to state that, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SUBMISSION is, how to HONOSR AND to RESPECT a husband. I never seen it in my home but I was taught to serve. For some reason, in the Haitian community (that is the nationality i know), serving is respect and honor which is not entirely true. Just because I serve you doesn’t mean I honor or respect you and I am definitely not serving you with my heart. It’s just something that I do because I’ve been trained to do it; but to respect is something completely different. When I respect you, I WILL honor and SERVE you GLADLY. And in the Haitian community, that is not something that is really taught; well def not in my household with my mom and step mom.
But after last Sunday, my eyes (spiritually) has been opened. The scales of my culture has fallen off. I rushed home, postured myself and I apologized to my husband and decided to COMPLETELY submit to him, as my man, my husband, father of my child and future children and head of my household. Since that moment, there has been a shift in him and our relationship in every aspect of our lives and relationship. I have working really hard on submission and God has been really great.
Example: There was a day when I came home from work around midnight, went to bed around 1 or 2 am because or daughter kept waking because she was sick. Had to be up by 5 am for a 6 am interview. Then had to get her ready to drop her off at home care, went to another interview at 10:30 am, got home around 1 took a nap around 2. My husband came in the room and advised that I pick up our daughter and I was begging him to go pick her up because I was really sleepy. His response to me annoyed me because it felt like there was we were going back nd forth trying to outdo the persons tiredness. But then when he told me that he had not slept that night because he was worried about the baby chocking because she was sick and he walked out. So, I decided to get up, got ready and went to go pick her up. When I was in the car I called my husband, his tone seemed like he was ready for me to say something slick but instead I apologize to him and said I did not know you were up all night watching out daughter. His tone softened up and he proceeded to tell me, he has not slept the past 3 days. I was shocked, we talked about what was going on (I know for at least 2 of them day was my fault because I needed some sugar to get my day right) and then we laughed and joked about other stuff. In the past it would have been some resentment and attitude coming from me about all this and tit for tat situation but in that moment I decided to be submissive and pick up our daughter and call him to apologize for not understanding what was going on in his world that I missed.
Now, that may not seem like much but to me it was a lot because I lot of the time I do not pay attention to how my actions or my responses make him feel but at that moment I decided to pay attention and really hear what he is saying and what he needs. Because I know he has not slept thee past few days, tomorrow I will give him the morning off, the baby and i will go to church so he can stay in and sleep.
I know my journey to submission will not be an easy one because I was taught to serve and be COMPLETELY independent. To think independent, be independent, live independent but that does not work in a God led, functional and healthy marriage. In a marriage you need to be INTER-dependent (dependent on each other) not independent (self- governing). As of today, to me, submission looks like shedding the idea of independence.
What does submission look like to you?
In Eden 