Hello guys,
Welcome back to marriage seeds where we believe that the seeds of knowledge you receive will help you grow into the you, you were design by God to be as an individual and in your marriage.
I hope you had a week of growth because I sure did. Lets get right to it.
So this week I learned that your spouse history shapes who they are today. I had an idea of how important it is but this week a new picture was painted in my mind. My bishop says this all the time ” The person you are today is an accumulation of seeds sown throughout your life.” Husbands the reason your wife may be mean or evil is because that was what she saw and experienced in her household growing up. If she is guarded it is because someone her hurt and she learned to build up a wall to protect the little girl inside. Wives, the reason your husband may not be expressing himself the way you want him to is because this is what he saw in his household growing up.
It is important to ask questions, listen for the response and understand why your spouse is the way they are. I was listening to an old message by TD Jakes and he talked about how every man is a king with little boy inside and every little boy is a king inside and depending who is around him in the influences he has in his teenage years it will imprint on him as a man. Knowing your spouses history (the way they grew up, the dynamic of the household they grew up in) helps you understand them and when you understand you can take steps to rewire your spouse (which will take A LOT of time) and when you take those steps to help bring a change, your relationship will grow.
For example: for me growing, my mother affirmed my beauty, intelligence and my value every day. I grew up with hearing words of affirmation daily, why because she grew up with hearing words of affirmation from her god-mother. Now as adult, I do the exact same with anyone, with friends, strangers at the grocery store, the waitress serving me at a restaurant, anyone that comes around me. In contrast, my wonderful husband is not like that. He was not raised in a household that got words of affirmation every day, he got it just not everyday. So as an adult male, he doesn’t do it, why because he did not see his parents do it in front of him. They probably spoke love in private but as a little boy he needed to see that so he can know that it is healthy to speak word of affirmation. As a man, he does not know how to do it, I have to pull it out when I want word of affirmation. (Worst thing about it, when we were dating, words of affirmation would make him uncomfortable and he would cringe a little lol). I know he loves and adores me but I will not hear it voluntarily because it is not a language he learned to speak. Since I know his history in this area, I understood why he was the way he was. Now I am taking steps by giving him words of affirmation everyday and and tell him how valuable he is. I see changes because he no longer cringes when I affirm my love and his value (lol).
So remember , it is very important that you listen and know your spouse’s past in their household growing up. Understand the dynamic of their household growing up and take steps to rewire for change it so your relationship can continue to grow. It is VERY important to know, when you are taking these steps NO NEED TO them, you do it quietly and with prayer.
Alright you guys, hope you have a great week of learning and growing.
Sincerly, RL
In Eden 