Hey Roots,
Here we are for another week with wisdom nugget i learned or noticed this week. When you first g4t married, it is very important to have NO EXPECTATION. I mean expect your spouse to respoect you and love but but if you have expectation of your spouse helping you clean the hosue are washing dished or something as simple as taking the trash out. DO NOT have the EXPECTATION of your spouse to it. Important to have a clear conversation of how this person is.
Example: When my husband and I were dating I would ask him questions, like his cleaning habits because it was important to me to know if I will be cleaning the house by myself or will I get assistance. So, he told me he would clean thoroughly. He would take 2 days to clean his bathroom alone. He soak his tub for 2 DAYS…. My thoughts, oooohhhh he is definitely going to help me clean the house when we get married. PRESENTLY, TODAY my husband only clean his tub. Not to say he will not clean the house but he cleans the shower floor consistently. When we first got married, it made me so MAD how that he did not clean his WHOLE bathroom (Now I know most of you are saying, if its his bathroom then his responsibility. My response, that mindset will not create a successful marriage. Being married is like being part of team that you will never be traded from. It takes a team to make baskets or goals.) He would clean his shower, the sink and the toilet but yet the floor would be dusty, and full of hair from his head and bread. So to me, the bathroom was not cleaned. EVERY TIME I walked in his bathroom, I would get upset and annoyed because I expected him to be cleaner then this based on he how described his cleaning habit. A few weeks ago, I realized, because of my expectation it cause frustration and attitude on my part and he could not see or understand why. I would get upset every time I cleaned his bathroom. Now, I do not get upset or annoyed to clean his bathroom floor. Matter a fact, I came up with an idea on how to keep his floor clean; I buy wipes and pour pine-sol and Clorox in it and let it soak. Every 2 or 3 days, I go in his bathroom and use the wipes to clean his floor so his bathroom remains clean. I even thank him for cleaning his tub because its one less thing I have to clean.
Having expectation will cause disappointment which results in hurt which results to giving an attitude, then an argument and if the issue is not resolved there will be offense and resentment. No marriage is fun with EXPECTATIONS. Outside of husbands loving there wives and wife respect their husband there should be no expectations. So my advice to you, is to throw ALL expectation of what you think EVERYTHING in a marriage should be like away because it will cause nothing but heartache and headaches.
Have a great week guys and I hope you continue to grow deeper roots in your marriage as I have with mine.#unapologeticallyrooted#notsorry.
Sincerely, RL
In Eden 