Hey guys,
March 22nd was my 1st anniversary and let me tell you, it was DEFINITELY not easy. Statistic states that the first 2 years of marriage are the hardest. Those who are married will agree because you are getting to know a WHOLE new person outside of yourself (matter a fact, once you get married you have to re introduce yourself to you as well; or else you will lose you; but I digress). Since I am an only child and lived with my parents all my life, theirs were the only habits I to get know. So living with another person in which i did not grow up with was NO JOKE. I not only have to introduce WHOLE myself and crazy weird habit (eating white rice, ketchup and bananas) to this wonderful man whom I said, “I do” to; he has to do the same.
Let me tell you something, all those happily ever after movies, books, or shows are LIES. About 3 months into my marriage, it was NOTHING like the movies (I felt hoodwinked, bamboozled and led astray lol). I was confused and thought I was doing something wrong. My current reality did not reflect what i always saw on TV or in the movies. Comparing my REAL marriage to FICTIONAL characters in movies or books is MOST certainly not the best to start a marriage. Then I started comparing my marriage to others and that was DEFINITELY not good.
So I went where all smart people go- Google, Amazon and YouTube, to find sermons, books or even a blog on marriages and how to navigate it especially the first few months to years. I found absolutely nothing that I felt related to me and my situation. I was getting upset because I am getting to know this handsome, loving man who is my husband but yet I feel he was a stranger to me. After a few days of looking, I gave up and decided to pray about it (why did I wait so long, I have no idea). Once I was in my quiet place, the Lord had me realize that, there isn’t a specific guide to marriage and I cannot look or rely on another person to tell me how to make my marriage work. All marriages are different; I needed to stop compare my 1 year old marriage to another 1 year old marriage because they are different people with different personalities compared to me and mines. I, most certainly, cannot compare the obstacles I was facing in finding our groove to a 15 years old marriage because they’ve already found their groove (several times over since).
All those sermons I listened to or books read about being a better spouse, understanding your husband or just about marriage in general were good but honestly, really did not do much for me. WHY? Because the season I was in was a personal one, the speaker/writer was just speaking/writing from THEIR personal experience and giving me THEIR opinion of what could/ might work but in reality may not work WHY? Because again my marriage is not like theirs. Everyone’s marriage is different and beautiful in its own way.
So, how did I overcome the first few months my marriage? I accepted that I could not rely on other people to help make my marriage be what I wanted but I -personally- had to rely on God. Please do not misunderstand me, I am not saying that advice is not good. I’m just saying that sermons, podcast, and books about marriage are just that ADVICE, they do not provide you with the blueprint of what your marriage will be or should be, only God can do that. Unless you feel led to by the Holy Spirit to listen to a podcast or read a specific book or even speak to your pastor, by all means do it. But outside of feeling led, do not turn to friends, family, pastors, sermons, podcast or even books for advice or wisdom about YOUR marriage. You were joined in covenant in the name of the FATHER, THE SON and the HOLY SPIRIT so only HE can be the guide as you both enjoy the adventure in discovering the uniqueness of your marriage.
Proverbs 25:2 ” It is the glory of God to conceal a matter and the honor of kings to search it out.”
Go ahead, search it out and see the joy you experience once attained. Ok folks, remember to root yourselves by the river and grow BE-U-tiful.
In Eden 